every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize