I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
