Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
