I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
