I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
