True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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