waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize