well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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