god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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