I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
