All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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