Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
