I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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