you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
