he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
