Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
