Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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