have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
