Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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