So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
