don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
