So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
