my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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