I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
