What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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