Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
