Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
