The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
