Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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