I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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