That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
