Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
