I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
