Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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