So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
