Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
