Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
