So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
