she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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