i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
