She's JV to your varsity
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
