worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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