at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
