my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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