did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
