So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
