So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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