...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
