His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
sarcasm needs its own font
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
