I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
