i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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