only if we run a train.
done.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
