i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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