what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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