oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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