I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
