Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
