No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize