I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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