you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
