Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
