They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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