so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
