Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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