What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They took my balls.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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