I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
