You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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