cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
