Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
