Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
