I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
