my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
