yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
