he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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