she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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