CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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