OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This baby is an asshole
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Randomize
