Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
