I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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