You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
