I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize