So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
