we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Drunk is a universal language darling
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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