thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
