I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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