You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
