I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
