i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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