It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
