To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
