dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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