Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
