Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
