i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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