then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
