Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
