from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i now understand why vodka
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
